and we begin

Hello to any one that might be reading this. I have decided that enough is enough. I have struggled for years with my weight and today is the day that I finally end this hatred of my body. I have always been the chubby girl even when I was constantly cheerleading and dancing, I was still the largest girl in my dance classes. Eventually I quit dancing and cheerleading and every other activity I was into and part of me feels like my selfconsciousness attributed to me quitting. For years after I gained more and more weight, ate more and more food, and moved less and less. I stopped looking in the mirror because I was disgusted at the body I saw and I became very depressed which lead to eating more and moving even less. My mother showed that with hard work the weight could come off and she looks amazing. Her highest weight was 169 which at this point is a GOAL weight for me. Because she was able to lose the weight I started to rely heavily on her to help me. She put me in weight watchers, she counted my food for me, she made my meals. But then I'd eat a bag of chips or a chocolate bar and WHOA.. the whole weight loss train de-railed. I quickly realized that this wasnt her responsibility.. it was mine. We all know those girls, the ones that could eat anything and not gain a pound, well that girl is my best friend. I started to envy her and even start to hate her for it. She doesnt have to do anything to have a good body and then I look at all of the struggles I know I'm going to face in my journey and think, "WHAT THE HELL.. THATS NOT FAIR". But then I realize that I just have a different body than her. Sulking about how unfair it is will not do ANYTHING. Some people (like me) are just going to have to work a little harder and I would rather work hard to have a good body then continue to sit around and do nothing, have low self esteem, and a flabby body to match. Today I weigh 181.3 pounds which is the most I have ever weighed. Im not going to say I have a specific goal weight. I just want to be the best that I can be. I want to be toned and healthy. But I can sure as hell say that I will never be 181.3 pounds ever again. Part of the reason that I'm writing this blog is to give myself some self-encouragement as well as track my progress but I would LOVE if anybody were to read this and share some tips if they are going through the same struggles. Also, I am fairly new to this weight loss blogging so if anyone reads this and knows of some other helpful blogs would you please link them to me? Thank you!

I leave with, not a picture of me, but a picture of my inspiration/goal of how I want my body to look and how I desperately want to feel.