The End of Week One

It has been a week since I wrote my first post and so far so good! I have lost 4 pounds in one week (current weight 177) which may seem like quite a bit but my weight fluctuates so often that it doesn't feel like that much to me. But this is what I've been doing every day as my routine:

In the morning I'll make a smoothie for my breakfast and follow that with a small work out. Since I've never really worked out before and I am not strong AT all, I'm starting off slow. I'll usually do 20 sit ups, 20 push ups and 20 squats. I plan on increasing that by ten each following week. I also do about a 40 minute walk every day. I told a friend what my "work out" plan was and he practically told me that that wont do anything.. But I'm pretty content with it. I want to focus more on my eating first and ease into working out.

For lunch I'll usually eat something like a turkey sandwhich on whole wheat with lettuce and tomato. I always used to opt for white bread just because it was "yummier" but whole wheat/twelve grain is easier to break down than white bread so thats the sacrifice I'll have to make.

For a snack I'll usually take a bag of some sort of fruit or vegetable. Most often its an apple if I am at work because it has no prep time. But if I am at home or have extra time in the morning I'll usually cut up a bit of cucumber, green pepper, strawberries or carrots.

When I get home I have a bit of a dilemma. I have two choices. I can either eat the food that my parents have made for dinner (I still live at home) or I can make my own dinner. I have realized that I am more likely to succeed at this if I moniter every single bit of food that goes into my mouth. I dont know how much caesar salad dressing my dad put in the salad or how much barbecue sauce he slathered on my pork chop before he put it on the barbecue. So I will eat what they have made for dinner on occasion but I make my own dinner more often.

Last night for dinner I had romain lettuce with cucumber and carrot (loaded up my plate) and a tablespoon of Italian dressing (sorry not sorry... gotta have my dressing). Then for dessert I had a bowl of cut up watermelon. I don't find that just fruits and veggies alone can fill me up so I may have a piece of cheese or a yogurt if I'm still a bit hungry.

The main struggle of the week was going up to my boyfriends cottage. The weekend was filled with beer, pizza and road trip fast food meals. It made me feel like I had wasted the whole week and when I got home I was angry with myself. I don't plan on doing this every weekend and it was kind of a spontaneous trip but I guess that's me trying to justify it. I need to find a way to enjoy the weekend without undoing the hard work I had done during the week.

ALSO, another update in my life. I have decided to quit smoking. It's only been a day but I really think that getting healthy includes ALL aspects in my life so I'm hoping that I will have the strength to lose the weight as well as quit smoking.

and we begin

Hello to any one that might be reading this. I have decided that enough is enough. I have struggled for years with my weight and today is the day that I finally end this hatred of my body. I have always been the chubby girl even when I was constantly cheerleading and dancing, I was still the largest girl in my dance classes. Eventually I quit dancing and cheerleading and every other activity I was into and part of me feels like my selfconsciousness attributed to me quitting. For years after I gained more and more weight, ate more and more food, and moved less and less. I stopped looking in the mirror because I was disgusted at the body I saw and I became very depressed which lead to eating more and moving even less. My mother showed that with hard work the weight could come off and she looks amazing. Her highest weight was 169 which at this point is a GOAL weight for me. Because she was able to lose the weight I started to rely heavily on her to help me. She put me in weight watchers, she counted my food for me, she made my meals. But then I'd eat a bag of chips or a chocolate bar and WHOA.. the whole weight loss train de-railed. I quickly realized that this wasnt her responsibility.. it was mine. We all know those girls, the ones that could eat anything and not gain a pound, well that girl is my best friend. I started to envy her and even start to hate her for it. She doesnt have to do anything to have a good body and then I look at all of the struggles I know I'm going to face in my journey and think, "WHAT THE HELL.. THATS NOT FAIR". But then I realize that I just have a different body than her. Sulking about how unfair it is will not do ANYTHING. Some people (like me) are just going to have to work a little harder and I would rather work hard to have a good body then continue to sit around and do nothing, have low self esteem, and a flabby body to match. Today I weigh 181.3 pounds which is the most I have ever weighed. Im not going to say I have a specific goal weight. I just want to be the best that I can be. I want to be toned and healthy. But I can sure as hell say that I will never be 181.3 pounds ever again. Part of the reason that I'm writing this blog is to give myself some self-encouragement as well as track my progress but I would LOVE if anybody were to read this and share some tips if they are going through the same struggles. Also, I am fairly new to this weight loss blogging so if anyone reads this and knows of some other helpful blogs would you please link them to me? Thank you!

I leave with, not a picture of me, but a picture of my inspiration/goal of how I want my body to look and how I desperately want to feel.